“Mindfulness is the energy that helps us look deeply at our body, feelings, mind perceptions and all that is around us. It is a source of light in the darkness, allowing us to see clearly our life experiences in relation to everything else. It is through this kind of insight that we can lift ourselves out of ignorance, the main cause of suffering.” Thich Nhat Hanh
Why am I even discussing mindfulness in a baby blog? Because I feel that understanding mindfulness would help alot of new parents or parents in general adapt to their role. Parenthood is a role that no amount of book or advice can prepare you for, but with the right amount of mindfulness you will find that the role can come with ease. I have read a great amount of books regarding babies and they all state the same. Having a baby is a great joy, yes that is true. Having a baby is a great adjustment on your relationship, yes that is true. But what it fails to tell new parents and parents in general is how to cope with these changes. Holding my son for the first time was amazing. He was living proof that I was capable of doing anything. Let me remind you I gave birth to him naturally without pain. However, I had never cared for a small baby in this capacity before. Was I overwhelmed? Yes, yes I was. My main source for support was my husband, but he was like me. A new parent. We had to learn about each other all over again in our new role and we had to adjust to having someone else in our lives. Because I was working full time (and I still do) prior to having my son, it was difficult for me to adjust to staying at home. I stayed with my son for six weeks. For someone who is used to independence, leaving and going when I pleased, it was new to me the amount of dependence my son required when he was just born. I was never told it was okay to enjoy the moment. It was always work harder and harder. I had to bridge that gap as new mom and while it has good and bad moments I was able to do that. I was able to accept that I am now a mom, but I am also a working mom. Hassan recently turned two and I am writing this because looking back I felt that I should have been more mindful. I should have known that the infant stage would not last long and that what everyone was telling me that he was going to grow fast was true. I’ve spent the last two years doing some soul searching and trying to become a better partner and parent. In the process, I’ve picked up a huge meditation and yoga practice which taught me to be more mindful or aware. I’ve read enough Buddhist texts to ask, but what is exactly is mindfulness and how exactly do I get there?
The opening quote by Thich Nhat Hanh was found in his book titled Savour. He had written a book about mindful eating for which can help most of us lose weight. When we are aware of the moment we are in, we can fully enjoy and appreciate it more. Parenthood constantly forces you to get outside of the box and push yourself to do the things you think you can’t. Sometimes you are going to be okay with change and most of the time you are not. I recently spent some time practicing Thich Nhat Hanh’s Apple Meditation. I am now finally enjoying what I eat and I find that I feel really satisfied when I am eating and only eating. I am not thinking about what I need to do or what I did do. I focus my attention only on the food I am eating and that is it. It is in this moment that I am fully aware of what is going in my body and mind as I am eating. The experience is amazing enough for me to practice it in all aspects of my life especially as a mom. Too often we are so busy cooking or cleaning and we forget the little person that needs our attention. I was guilty of that all the time. Hassan would want to show me something or want to play and I would say I am busy or give me a second. I now ask myself how important is that chore I am doing and can it be done later so when he asks me to come play I drop what I am doing to play with him. Because I realize like all phases of his short life, this too is going to pass. That one day he’s not going to want to play or me near him. So while he wants and love me like the only love of his life, I should seize and be in the moment. I enjoy singing songs and reading books with him because in doing these things with him I find my inner child again. The inner child that has been jaded by life’s experiences.
The next time you want to experience what mindfulness is watch and play with a child. Their thoughts are simple and focused on the task they have set out for themselves. I think if as an adult we can carry this way of living, we would have alot more inner peace.
What a sweet post, Jess!