The Importance of Communication January 24, 2012

Long before my son ever grace this planet in physical form, I always felt that I could communicate with him. I was about eight weeks pregnant with him when I started to do the research of pre-birth communication. I came across the book Spirit Babies by Walter Makichen. As I did some meditations recommend by Walter in the book, I had some great experiences. Of course I didn’t just leave it at me doing some meditations, I contacted Walter and was given a wonderful reading. Out of that, I developed a wonderful practice with Walter as my spiritual teacher until his passing on March 4, 2011. Although devasted, I feel so blessed to have been able to learn from Walter.

I grew up in a household where children should be seen and not heard. I never felt that was the right and okay to raise kids. I feel children should be treated with respect and their opinions do matter. If we are made and came from God (Source, whatever you want to call God), then we are unique beings and should be treated as such. Can you remember when you were young and someone older said what you thought didn’t matter? Yea, that probably didn’t feel so good.  So Walter always advocate communicating with your spirit babies. Why is that important? He said because even when you’re mad, you won’t turn away from each other. An open and honest communication allows you to disagree, compare and compromise. It is by comparing and compromising that you learn. While you don’t always have to agree,  you can come to a middle ground acceptable to both parties. The secret to any successful relationship is communication. Cliche? It’s actually easier said then done. But it can be done.

Namaste

 

Mindfulness May 16, 2011

“Mindfulness is the energy that helps us look deeply at our body, feelings, mind perceptions and all that is around us. It is a source of light in the darkness, allowing us to see clearly our life experiences in relation to everything else. It is through this kind of insight that we can lift ourselves out of ignorance, the main cause of suffering.” Thich Nhat Hanh

Why am I even discussing mindfulness in a baby blog? Because I feel that understanding mindfulness would help alot of new parents or parents in general adapt to their role. Parenthood is a role that no amount of book or advice can prepare you for, but with the right amount of mindfulness you will find that the role can come with ease. I have read a great amount of books regarding babies and they all state the same. Having a baby is a great joy, yes that is true. Having a baby is a great adjustment on your relationship, yes that is true. But what it fails to tell new parents and parents in general is how to cope with these changes. Holding my son for the first time was amazing. He was living proof that I was capable of doing anything. Let me remind you I gave birth to him naturally without pain. However, I had never cared for a small baby in this capacity before. Was I overwhelmed? Yes, yes I was. My main source for support was my husband, but he was like me. A new parent. We had to learn about each other all over again in our new role and we had to adjust to having someone else in our lives. Because I was working full time (and I still do) prior to having my son, it was difficult for me to adjust to staying at home. I stayed with my son for six weeks. For someone who is used to independence, leaving and going when I pleased, it was new to me the amount of dependence my son required when he was just born. I was never told it was okay to enjoy the moment. It was always work harder and harder. I had to bridge that gap as new mom and while it has good and bad moments I was able to do that. I was able to accept that I am now a mom, but I am also a working mom. Hassan recently turned two and I am writing this because looking back I felt that I should have been more mindful. I should have known that the infant stage would not last long and that what everyone was telling me that he was going to grow fast was true. I’ve spent the last two years doing some soul searching and trying to become a better partner and parent. In the process, I’ve picked up a huge meditation and yoga practice which taught me to be more mindful or aware. I’ve read enough Buddhist texts to ask, but what is exactly is mindfulness and how exactly do I get there?

The opening quote by Thich Nhat Hanh was found in his book titled Savour. He had written a book about mindful eating for which can help most of us lose weight. When we are aware of the moment we are in, we can fully enjoy and appreciate it more. Parenthood constantly forces you to get outside of the box and push yourself to do the things you think you can’t. Sometimes you are going to be okay with change and most of the time you are not. I recently spent some time practicing Thich Nhat Hanh’s Apple Meditation. I am now finally enjoying what I eat and I find that I feel really satisfied when I am eating and only eating. I am not thinking about what I need to do or what I did do. I focus my attention only on the food I am eating and that is it. It is in this moment that I am fully aware of what is going in my body and mind as I am eating. The experience is amazing enough for me to practice it in all aspects of my life especially as a mom. Too often we are so busy cooking or cleaning and we forget the little person that needs our attention. I was guilty of that all the time. Hassan would want to show me something or want to play and I would say I am busy or give me a second. I now ask myself how important is that chore I am doing and can it be done later so when he asks me to come play I drop what I am doing to play with him. Because I realize like all phases of his short life, this too is going to pass. That one day he’s not going to want to play or me near him. So while he wants and love me like the only love of his life, I should seize and be in the moment. I enjoy singing songs and reading books with him because in doing these things with him I find my inner child again. The inner child that has been jaded by life’s experiences.

The next time you want to experience what mindfulness is watch and play with a child. Their thoughts are simple and focused on the task they have set out for themselves. I think if as an adult we can carry this way of living, we would have alot more inner peace.

Five Lesson Motherhood Taught Me March 25, 2011

There are many things in life I’m passionate about. I love to read about anything and everything. I enjoy good food with good company. I love a good cup of tea to end the day. I spend a good amount of time in meditation because it grounds me. But the one thing that always and I mean ALWAYS strike a cord with me is motherhood and everything that comes with it. I like to spend a few minutes at the end of each day thanking my son for being here with me. I love telling him he’s the best thing that has ever happened to me and to not let anyone tell him otherwise. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have learned the following.

1. Motherhood has taught me to think outside the box and find the strength and courage to do the things I used to think I simply could not do. I love telling my birthing story because that is a great example of thinking outside the box and finding courage to do so. It forced me to want to do better for my son and definitely for myself. I simply did what others thought I could not do, but I knew I could do. I know that is a bigger example of thinking outside the box, but because of that I find the inner courage to do greater things each day. I want to take risks that I know will provide positive outcomes no matter what odds are against me. We all have it in us to do the things we want to do. We are all capable.

2. Embrace life by living it, not just by existing. Bring your A game all day everyday. Each day I get to watch my son live life with such a great joy. Everyday he wakes up like it is Christmas morning. I hope he never loses that love for life. We all get jaded with age and experience, but watching my son has renewed my passion for life. I wake up each day looking forward to what will come. I no longer complain about the commute to work or having to go to work. I am simply THANKFUL I have a job to provide for my family. I no longer complain about having to work out because I am glad that I have the ability to jump or run.
Live life each day as if it is your last because another day is not guarantee.

3. Perfection is for losers. I’m a full time working mom. Yes, that I am. I am not Super Woman and I will not kill myself trying to be. It’s perfectly OKAY. I stopped killing myself each day trying to keep my house perfect after a long day of work. Because I have been gone all day, I rather put that broom down and play with my son. No one who will criticize how the toys are not put away or the dishes are not washed is allowed in my house. Don’t get me wrong, my house is not chaotic. But it is okay to have a few dishes in the sink. My time with my son is limited so what time I have with him I want to present and aware. I also stopped criticizing how I look because my body is a wonderful gift from God. He gave me the ability to help him create life. Now that is amazing by itself. So that so call last two pounds I used to beat myself over the head for, whatever. I love me the way I am, but I still love a good workout. I work out to keep my mind grounded. I don’t work out to be vain. There is a difference with the two and that is called attitude.

4. Milestones are just that…milestones. Every child, just like every pregnancy, is different. I don’t believe in pushing children to be crawling or walking by a certain month or age. Children are a gift from God so they have the natural ability to know when to crawl or walk. I don’t believe in numbers just like I don’t believe in going by the book. So if your baby is not sleeping thru the night by the 6 or 8 weeks, that is okay (maybe not for the sleep deprived parent). But it is okay because that too shall pass. There is a time range for milestones to happen for a reason. Stop freaking yourself out if your child is not walking by the age of one. Few do.

5. Make time for yourself each day. I know too many moms who feel guilty if they take time to do anything for them. Stop. Do something nice for yourself each day. It makes you a better mom, not a bad one. Go to the gym or read a book. Anything, but do SOMETHING. You become angry and bitter if you are constantly meeting everyone’s needs, but your own. I’ve learned this the hard way. Each day I make sure to get my work out and meditation in. I make sure to give me my me time. That way, when I come back to my family I am simply there and I feel good about it. Meeting other people’s need is not an easy thing whether it be work or family. A productive person is a rested person. You think and perform better when you are not tired and/or bitter.

God Never Blinks…50 Life Lesson January 11, 2011

I recently came upon a book titled “God Never Blinks, 50 Life Lessons for Life’s Little Detours.” The author lists 50 life lesson she has learn over the course of her lifetime. Inspired by her list, I’ve decided to reflect on my day using each life lesson. The first life lesson is “Life isn’t fair, but it is still good.” Life isn’t fair. I can sit here and make a list of all the things I think are unfair. However, I started today by making a list of good things that did happened. For instance, I drove to work safely and made it home safely. I have a job I get to go to. I have a wonderful husband that still calls me a few times a day. I have a healthy and happy son who greets me with a big smile. At the end of the day, it’s the little things that really matter. It’s the fact that I get to share pizza with my boys and watch a good tv show to end the day.

Buddhism for Mothers of Young Children November 15, 2010

While at the bookstore one day, I was desperately searching for a new book to read. I came upon a book titled Buddhism for Mothers of Young Children thinking this one might be the one that I actually will read from beginning to end instead of just the end. I was raised Catholic, but as I grew older I find myself following alot more of the eastern practices of meditation and yoga. I flipped through the book and the line “Children have a gift of guiding, if not forcing, our attention back to the present” made me think. It was not a guarantee that I would ever have children, but I was able to have my son. He is truly a blessing and miracle. Motherhood is life changing not just in your daily lifestyle, but also your thinking and your relationships. There are moments where every mother looks at herself in the mirror thinking about her body and wonders if she’ll ever get her figure back (don’t worry, you will) or the moments she realizes her complete life now belongs to a little person. And there are also moments that every mother will experience where you are trying to accomplish something whether it be doing the dishes or trying to get out the door and you find yourself with a fussy crying kid wanting your full attention. And it’s not hard to become frustrated at the situation. I find myself (before reading this book) in this situation one probably too many times. In the moment, I find myself forgetting the journey I’ve been on to becoming a mother. Then I get frustrated and he becomes more upset. We are not getting anywhere. Some time after all this dies down, I feel bad. I should be more in control of my emotion or the situation. I should not have raised my voice or even become upset. All the things us mothers feel we should do and didn’t. Yes, we find ourselves in these kind of situations, but the good news is we can change it. We can be in control by becoming more aware and being in the moment. The book goes through explaining the basic principles of Buddhism. Basically to live mindfully and to become deattach from our emotions (whether we are angry or happy we must remain balance). Reading the book along with my daily meditation practice has taught me it is okay to let go of that dirty dish or the spot on the floor. What is really important is the little person who needs my attention. He won’t need me all his life, but I’m going to take what I can. I often work from home and while I was working one night, Hassan kept bumping into me. He never really does that and so I decided to bend down and asked him what he wanted. He took his two arms and wrapped them around me. He just wanted to give me a hug. And that is truly what I live for. These special moments and affections where he tells me he loves me. If I would have gotten frustrated because I need to get work done, I would have missed the moment he wanted to tell me he appreciates and loves me.

I think all of us do a wonderful job as a mother. Whether we think it or not, we do a great job. But we must also remember we can not do everything. I definitely recommend this book to all mothers whether new or old. We can all learn a thing or two about mindful living.

The Eating Strike August 27, 2010

My son, Hassan, is currently 15 months. I waited until he was six months to start him on solids. Waiting to start solids has many benefits for the infant. Delaying solids helps the baby’s immune system become stronger. Babies received many immunities from breastmilk and continue to do so when they are exclusively breastfed. In waiting to start solids, the digestive system also has time to mature. Starting babies too early on solids can cause reactions such as constipation and gas.

When I started my son on solids, he was a great eater. Although there were a few things he refused, on the whole he ate everything. His favorite item was butternut squash. I was excited that I had such a great eater. Sometimes he would be so hungry that I would have to feed him two servings instead of one. By the time he turned 1, things were different. Introducing table food gave Hassan a sense of independence and he loved it. He wanted to feed himself at every meal. My son, the once easy eater, was also now extremely picky. The only thing he would now eat was pizza and hamburger. I was worried because I try to have a very holistic and organic approach with food especially with Hassan. Speaking to other parents with the same age toddlers, they told me they had the same concern. One child would throw out everything and only wanted milk! I subscribed to alot of parenting magazine and came upon an article discussing the protest toddlers like to put up including … of course eating. It talked about my situation down to a T. Overall, parents shouldn’t worry too much about this stage. It too shall pass, but as a mom I can not stand seeing my son not eat. Therefore, while this stage shall too pass we need to get through it as best as we can. I’ve always tasted everything I give to Hassan and trust me half the food is not even edible. I know, babies’ palate are totally different. But think about it, if you don’t like it how can they like it? My solution to this is to start giving them food that they like. Explore a variety of options. My son loves, soup with bread dipped in it of course, pizza, hamburger (meat and bun only), baby chips ( I have to look up the brand, but it is organic), apples (cut up in slices) and rice. I let him taste everything and let him make the decision if he likes it or not. Like today, I discover that he loves smoothie by accident (although I research alot, half of my parenting is also very accidentically). I happened to have an extra amount smoothie and when he asked for it of course I gave it to him. If he doesn’t eat his meals, at least he drinks it. I make the smoothie from scratch (can’t really trust McDonalds on it). I also discovered that if I spice and marinate chicken a certain way he will eat it. Hassan doesn’t always like chicken, but he liked it tonight with the way I cooked it.

Obviously, my son knows what he likes to eat and doesn’t. He can distinguished good food from bad food. It’s just a matter of making the not so tasty food tasty. Another tip I found to work and distraction when feeding them. I always give Hassan an extra spoon so that he feels like he’s feeding himself.

For the original article in Parents magazine, please click here

I hope what I had to share here will get you through this fussy eating stage if you are experiencing it.

But don’t just take my word for it
Namaste

Sleeping Training. May 28, 2010

By the time my son turned four months, I was so exhausted that I was determined to sleep trained him. All these books kept telling me that he should be sleeping by the time he weight 11 lbs. Well, since I was breastfeeding I had to be up every 3 hours to pump. So I read all the books and tried to sleep train him. He would cry and one night he even threw up from all the crying. I said to myself, why am I putting him through this? What good is it going to do if he’s throwing up. I threw all the baby sleep training books out. None of it worked for me. Not even the no cry sleep solution. But one thing did work for me and that is mother’s instinct. It didn’t feel right for me to force him to sleep on his own. The only thing he’s ever known his entire life was the comfort of sleeping with mommy and daddy. Hassan is one now and we are still happily sleeping together. He sleeps through the night now without a bottle. I’m a full time working mom so the only real time I have to cuddle with my son is when we’re sleeping. Although he can well sleep on his own in his crib, the bed just feels empty without him. One day, he won’t need me or want me to sleep with him. So until then, my only advice is to enjoy every second of it. I miss those days when he was so tiny and all he could do was look up at me with his big eyes. So I am glad that I listened to my heart and let nature takes its course. While you may be sleep deprived today, just know that it doesn’t last long. I wish I can give you a timeframe as to how long this sleep deprivation phase will last. But I don’t have an answer for you. Every child is different. I remember when my cousin was born, you could never hear sound from her. It was like her parents brought her home sleeping. She never woke up in the middle of the night and when she was awake she was happy. My son came out with eyes wide open and you couldn’t get him to sleep for anything. But I’ve learned to adjust to him instead of forcing him to adjust to me. I’ve learned that even though it’s frustrating and tiring, sleep training is too harsh. Self – independence will come with time. It doesn’t happen just because a child or baby need to sleep alone. The whole point of this is listen to your heart. If you feel that it is right to sleep train, then go ahead and find a method that works. If you are okay with co-sleeping, who cares what anyone has to say. Do what feels right.
But don’t just take my word for it.
Namaste

My Birthing Story May 11, 2010

In honor of my son, Hassan, turning one I’m going to share my birthing story.

I remembered years ago I ran across a parenting magazine that had a photo of a mother giving birth. She looked so peaceful with just her, her husband and midwife. Something about that photo made me think that is how giving birth should really be. Growing up I never heard about the positive birthing stories. I thought all births were like on TV. My own mother had a very terrible birthing experience with me. When I became pregnant, I knew that I wanted to bring my son into this world with alot of love and peace. I knew that being pregnant and giving birth was probably the only chance I’ll get to help God with a miracle. My journey to getting pregnant was not smooth sailing. Because of my recurring episodes with fibriods, my doctor was not sure I may be able to conceive or if I would be able to carry a baby full term. But my doctor was really good at reassuring me that I had nothing to lose, but to try. I became pregnant with my son in Sept 2008. Just as soon as I knew I was pregnant, I began researching my birthing options.

Of course in telling people that I am going to have a painless birth, I had alot of unsupportive opinions. However, that never stopped me from trying to find a better method. In doing so, I first ran across Hypnobirthing. It gave me alot of history about hypnosis as a childbirth method, but I wanted something more. That is how I ran into Hypnobabies. I did the home study course around my 28th week. My husband came to me one day and suggested me get a Doula so that I can be really prepare. I was able to Lorraine Shorman. Not only was she a doula, but also a Hypnobabies instructor. She was already on board with the childbirth method and that was a plus for me. I wanted someone who believe that birthing should be comfortable.

My estimated due date was June 5th So by the week of May 10th, I felt I was going into labor. We had a second and last meeting with Lorraine on May 12th. I told her I felt like I was going to go into labor. She told me that sometimes women feel like that, but it could be another two weeks. Still with the feeling that I was going to labor soon, I decided to work from home the next day May 13th. Since I didn’t feel I was making any progress, I decided that I would go back to work on May 14th. Well, I never made it to work that day. My water broke at exactly 3:45 am while I was asleep. I felt a gush of water and woke my husband up. He asked me if I was sure and I told him, I can’t stop the water. Hypnobabies teaches that it is okay to labor at home until the contractions are really going. So we waited about 6 am before we called anyone. My husband went to the store to get us some snacks for the rest of the day and for our stay at the hospital. By 11 am, my labor wasn’t making any progress so under the direction of Lorraine we went on a walk. I could tell you that I was very much comfortable and really couldn’t feel the contractions. They were never strong enough for me or I just never felt them. We went back home and I started to listen to my birthing guide hoping that the contractions would start to move. Of course nothing happened. By 6 pm, Lorraine came by. We were watching the Lakers game while I sat on the birthing ball. Lorraine started to time my contractions which were now a good 5-6 min apart. We left at half time to go to the hospital and got there around 7:30 pm. Since Lorraine went to get gas, my husband and I checked into triage. Since I was doing so well, I had walk myself to the labor and delivery. No one offered me a wheelchair because they weren’t sure if I was in labor. I was walking like normal. In triage, my nurse Janice checked me and I was only 3 cm dilated. Lorraine told me that it would be 1 cm per hour and so I prepared myself mentally for a long night. I think in our heads, we all thought I wouldn’t push until the morning or next day. Finally, Janice settled us into a nice room for delivery. Because she had read my birthing plan, I had very little vaginal exam. So I wasn’t sure how fast I was dilating nor did I feel it. It wasn’t a concern. The contractions were a bit stronger, but manageable. At one point, I asked Lorraine how strong were the contractions. She told me medium strong and I asked her when was it going to be more intense. In my head, I was mentally preparing for the worst. However, I handled each contractions very relaxed and never felt uncomfortable. While I was prepared for the worst, the worst never happend. I had the right tools to get me through each contractions. I started to feel the contractions back to back and told Lorraine. She said that sometimes the contractions piggy back ride. I was wondering why I didn’t get a break in between my contractions. I asked Janice to help me to the bathroom. While in there, I felt really good so I asked her if I can stay there. She said there’s a chance the baby might come out so I had to go back to my bed. While standing up, I felt a quick nausea and hot and cold moment. I knew that it was a transformation phase. I got back to my bed and felt the next contraction. Still very comfortable. However, this one came with the urge to push. So I told Lorraine I need to push. I remember her calling the medical staff and my husband saying he needed to go to the bathroom. I told him he better stay and so he did. Before I knew it, about 20 people were in the room. Some checking the monitors and some telling me not to push. I had about 5 people hold me down and telling me not to push. It was very hard to fight that urge. At times I would give in and at times I would control it. Before I knew it, my doctor was there. The bed was broken down and I started to push. Everyone helped me breathe my baby down, but left me to do most of the work. I never felt my son crowning, but according to my doctor his head was already there. Everyone was standing on the opposite side of me watching me push. Let me remind you that it was still very comfortable and I was still very much in control. I never knew when my son came out until the doctor put him on my belly. He was born at 11:49 pm on May 14th. He weighed 5 lb 10 oz and measured 19 inches long. My total active labor time was only 4 hours. Thanks to my husband and doula Lorraine, I remain comfortable at all times.

While there are many experiences in life that helped shape my attitude, this is definitely one to remember. This one experience reminds me of how I could do the impossible. So many people thought I was crazy to dream of a painless birth, but I did it. I hope more women will find my story inspiring and will be empower to chose a birthing method for themselves. We are in control of our body and our body is doing something very natural. It knows how to do it and we need to trust it.

Please let me know if you have any questions on my story. I highly recommend the Hypnobabies class and of course to hire a doula.

But don’t just take my word for it.
Namaste

To Breastfeed or not April 12, 2010

Breastfeeding has alot of positive benefits for your baby. Breastfeed babies have fewer ear infections, diarrheas and respiratory illnesses. Breastmilk also lowers the baby’s risk for obesity and contain all the vitamins and nutrients a baby needs for the first six months of their lives. I totally understand that it is difficult to breastfeed while you are working, but I will tell you one thing. Companies are more understanding than you think. While at work, I would pump three times a day about three hour apart. It was tough, but I was glad that I did it for my son’s first six months. When my son was five months old, he caught the swine flu. Because he was breastfeed, he got over it within 3 days. Today, at 11 months, he’s only had a cold once and so far has not have any ear infection.

Breastfeeding also has benefits for the mothers as well. Not only are you burning 500 calories a day, but you lower your risks for ovarian cancer and postpartum depression. It can also lower you stress level due to the hormone oxytocin. This is the same hormone you produce when you make love. Also, breastfeeding can lower your postpartum bleeding. It also promotes your uterus to get back to it’s normal size.

If all of the above facts have not motivate you to breastfeed your baby (even if for one week, one month or one year), please read the following article. Breastfeeding can really make a difference in your child’s life. Any amount of breastmilk is better than none.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36175184/ns/health-kids_and_parenting/

But don’t just take my word for it
Namaste

Hypnobabies Free Tracks April 7, 2010

Go to this link here to try two free Hypnobabies track. Hypnobabies is a great childbirth method that will help you achieve a comfortable and peaceful birth. I was able to have a beautiful birthing experience and still use some of the relaxation tools till this day. Please let me know if you have any questions. I will be more than happy to help.

But don’t just take my word for it.
Namaste